Written August 28, 2010  9:12 pm

Anita slept through the night breathing with the aid of a ventilator.  Chest PT was performed during the night to assist with lung function, i.e. insure no build-up of secretions.  An MRI of the spinal cortex was performed during the morning.  Review of MRI results revealed no further lesion development or enhancement in the spinal cortex, but did show additional lesion activity in the upper part of the brain.  A one day steroid treatment program (2 doses) will be administered this evening/tonight.  Anita spent 3 hours this evening breathing "over" the ventilator (i.e. ventilator assistance set at low level), while maintaining appropriate CO2 levels.  It is planned to continue with the ventilator weaning process in the morning.

Definitive diagnosis of the underlying disease (currently points to an aggressive version of MS, or disease akin to MS) is not yet known, and may not be for another month or so due to the need for additional testing at varying intervals in the coming weeks. Anita is currently able to move her right arm/hand, and shows some movement in her right foot.  She responds to verbal commands and acknowledges family members as they visit, but is limited in her ability to verbally communicate due to the ventilator tube.  Her will remains strong, and the hope is that she can be weaned off the ventilator, leave ICU and enter Rehab in the coming week.  The family continues to pray for a  full recovery while recognizing that the healing process may take several months.  We thank you for all the support, prayers and good wishes that you have shown our family during this difficult time, and ask that you continue to keep Anita in your thoughts and prayers.  

MS.  Two random letters in the alphabet.  I am familiar with medical terms and abbreviations.  Most professions have their own lingo, allowing for more precise communication.  In John's work ST stands for Steam Turbine, in mine, Speech Therapist.  I am an Occupational Therapist (OT) and I know a little about MS.  I remember when John shared with me that the docs were tossing the MS diagnosis on the table.  "No way.  I am too old.  It hit way too hard and fast!"  But I couldn't talk, so once again I had to just nod my head to show comprehension.  I've seen the struggles patients with MS have.  As a therapist and a friend I have witnessed the decline.  I have watched it's effect on friendships and families as independence is gnawed away until it is lost.  I know not everyone with MS follows this path, but many do.  I'm already on a ventilator! What chance do I have?

I remember wanting this nightmare to be over.  I just wanted it to end.  Any outcome.  As long as I didn't have to endure this anymore.  I really thought I was dying.  I wasn't afraid.  Death offered me a sense of peace.  But then I thought about my boys.  My own Mom who is here, staying at my house, helping my family get through each day.  John, who is the sentry at my bedside.  Trudy, my faithful canine friend, waiting patiently for me at home.  I need to be here for them.  My boys. I desperately want to be there as they journey into adulthood.  I want to see them transition into the grown-up world and remind them to bring their child selves along.  I need to be here for my mom.  I can't let her lose a child.  I want to express my thanks to her for giving my free spirit plenty of room and nurturing as I grew up.  I've got to hang on.  I will find my peace here.  I wrap myself in white wings, close my eyes and pray for peace, patience and another day.