Written September 1, 2010

The second plasmapherisis procedure ("blood filtering", removal of antibodies from plasma) was performed this morning, again taking approx. two (2) hours according to plan.  The next plasmapherisis procedure will be on Friday morning.  The steroid treatment continued today with twice daily dosages.  Anita rested during the afternoon, meeting with family members and watching some "Soaps" intermittently.

Soaps. A constant.  A familiar.  A normal.  I've been watching General Hospital (GH) off and on since Middle School.  It's my guilty pleasure, my secret, that until now, was rarely shared.  But catching up on GH while in Neuro ICU was helpful on so many levels.  It brought a sense of familiarity and peace watching my old Soap friends.  My brain was working.  Despite my inability to hold onto a thought, I could recall the storyline, problem solve to catch up and predict the future ordeals that would befall the citizens of Port Charles.  Viewing GH gave me something to do, an appointment each day.  There was something else in the room  to take the focus off me.  Visitors could watch too or just watch me watch. It gave folks something to talk about with me, although I'm not sure my visitors understood this clandestine Soap Queen side of me.

Being mute made visitations awkward.  I tried to talk with my eyes, nodding my head, mouthing words.  Forming voiceless words is frustrating for the talker and the listener. I'm sure that's why babies cry. At least tears will get them soothing words and hugs.  I just got vacant looks or sad eyes.  Communication is extremely difficult when even gesturing is impossible.  John was the best at figuring out what I wanted or needed, but even he failed at times.  We had a notebook and if he held it at just the right angle I could scribble a few letters with my right hand, but they were mostly illegible.

My dear friend who works in Rehab became my communication champion. My advocate.  She captured any staff person with a name badge who entered my room and spoke adamantly about my need to talk and communicate with my kids, my friends, my family.  I will be forever grateful to her for fighting for me.  She new that my speaking was possible.  I was full of questions and wanted to be a part of conversations. But for today, I just watched my Soap, where I could talk to the characters in my head, dolling out advice and offering opinions on their lives, to forget about mine.  Now....for just a little while.