Written September 5, 2010  10:05 pm

The first results from the spinal fluid tests showed a decrease in White Cell count and Protein levels as compared to earlier spinal fluid tests.  These results together with a slight neurological improvement (i.e. strengthening in right arm, slight movement in left shoulder) was seen as positive by the Medical Team, and could indicate that antibody demyelinating activity (i.e. lesion development/enhancement) has ceased.  An MRI test was performed in the afternoon, of which results will be available tomorrow.  The results of the MRI test, together with spinal fluid test results (remaining results expected over the next two (2) days) will confirm if the steroid/plasmapherisis treatment program is having the desired effect.  The next treatment steps will be determined upon review of these MRI and spinal fluid test results.  Anita visited with family during the morning, but was quite tired in the afternoon after the MRI test and rested for the remainder of the day.

 In the dream I am walking barefoot across a meadow.  I have on long jeans and the cuffs tickle the tops of my feet as I climb the small hills in front of me.  Pebbles, like glass, dig into the soles of my feet.  Each stride causes pain.  I am late for something and as I run across the meadow I am keenly aware of the contrast between the cool, green grass and the hard dusty patches under my toes.  I call these my rock dreams.  I have them quite often. Always in a different location, yet each elicits the same feeling of walking barefoot. Each step causes a knee jerk of pain, walking like a chicken pecking at its feed.  I actually enjoy the dreams.  In them I can feel my feet, see myself upright and walking.  They give me hope.

Walking was my favorite activity before this illness.  Every morning, rain or shine, I would hook Trudy to her leash (after she pawed me at least 10 times during my first cup of coffee) and take off.  Nature was my muse.  I noticed everything.  Hawk feathers on the ground.  Through the fog, I heard the geese honking before they lowered their feet, skimming across the pond, causing a small wake.  Frost patterns, like icing, spread across the wooden slats on the bridges and on the edges of the path. Pieces of driftwood by the stream that ended up in my pocket if they were small enough.  Trees. Rocks.  A heron wading patiently through the water, searching for food.  I saw an owl once, resting in the hollow of a tree.  We gazed into each other's eyes.  It was a haunting experience.  I left it feeling like I had witnessed something I wasn't supposed to see.

Each day was different.  We didn't always go the same way.  We fought the wind, Trudy's ears flipping back, me pulling my hood up.  Other times, the rain would catch us by surprise.  Trudy would walk a few steps and shake the wetness from her fur.  I hunched my shoulders up to my ears, as if that would stop the rain from soaking me.  Walking in nature was how I cleared my head.  Nourished my soul.  Now I just have to visualize it, remember it, long for it.  Dream about it.  Now...for just a little while.