Written September 26, 2010

Anita had another quiet day today.  Sunday is essentially a day of rest at the Shepherd Center, i.e. no therapy.  However, Anita was taken off the ventilator today for an hour and fifteen minutes, and continues to make progress with ventilator weaning.

Rest.  I am so tired.  How can that be?  I nap several times a day.  I sleep most of the night.  Must be my active lifestyle.  While in bed, I am turned every two hours.  I get a bed bath in the morning. I am transferred to a chair where I sit for all of 2 hours.  My trach is changed daily.  I get meals and meds through a feeding tube.  I watch TV.  John keeps me posted on the "news" I need to hear and provides encouragement.  How can this far from hectic schedule keep me exhausted?  I remind myself that my body is healing.

I do my part.  While resting, I turn my thoughts to nature.  My muse.  My hope.  I miss the outdoors so much.  I visualize walking through the woods with my dog.  Healing thoughts of velvet green moss covering the sides of the paths. I take off my shoes, letting nature's carpet sooth my hot, tired feet.  Birds and breezes whisper to me.  The smell of rotting leaves and trees waft around me as I crunch through hardened paths and step on the occasional stray stick. Peace.  Bliss. I wonder how many people have walked down this path.  What were they thinking?  Did they meander and enjoy the sensual experience of a walk in the woods or did they stride through counting calories, distracted by sweat and labored breathing.

Maybe this is why I am weary.  I walk too much in my head.  It seems I can't get away from myself.  I cannot give up my walking thoughts.  It's my solace.  Now....for just a little while.