Written September 27, 2010 7:08 pm

Anita had a somewhat mixed day today.  In the morning, Physical Therapy (PT) and Occupational Therapy (OT) performed an evaluation of her muscle/functional capabilities.  Speech Pathology worked with Anita on swallowing ice chips and noted improvement in her swallowing capabilities since the initial evaluation.  Anita managed to remain off the vent for an hour and a half in the afternoon.  However, she became quite anxious and her blood pressure increased.  She was quite tired thereafter  and rested for the remainder of the day, with her blood pressure returning to normal levels.

Evaluations.  I am the new kid on the block and everyone wants a piece of me. I am asked to wiggle my toes, move my arms, stretch my fingers.  I feel like a failure.  I can shrug my right shoulder and barely move some of the fingers on my right hand.  That's it.  I don't think I am making a very good first impression.  I want to scream, "Don't give up on me.  I will work hard."

I can breath on my own for one and a half hours now.  That's progress isn't it?  And I swallowed some ice chips.  They felt like cold jagged rocks tumbling down my throat. The melting water tried  to choke me. Rather scary since I don't have the muscles needed to cough, or even to clear my throat.  As much as I want an ice cold coke, I am afraid to try to swallow now.

John is encouraged by my progress.  As an OT I know better.  I write the note in my head.  "Patient shows minimal progress", or "slow, steady progress noted.  Will continue with current goals."

I was so hopeful when I arrived here in Atlanta.  Everything was new.  But the realty is, my abilities haven't changed much.  New personnel, but basically the same routine.  I miss my kids.  My dog.  My independence.  I want to go home.  But I can't.  I have to stay here.  I have to try harder.  Now...for just a little while.