Written August 24, 2010  9:00 pm

Slept through the night without sedation, requested to be turned  (i.e. bed position) every couple of hours.  Rested thru the early part of the morning and then read some cards and Guestbook messages on the website.  Got thru all messages posted thru the end of Saturday, Anita continues to play catch-up!!!  Thank you so much for your continued kind sentiments and support.  Further efforts continued with the process of weaning her off the ventilator, and modest success/improvement was achieved. As was the case yesterday, she became tired. And the process ceased this evening until tomorrow whereupon it will be resumed.  At days end, Anita was somewhat exhausted from her exertions with the ventilator weaning, but was resting comfortably.


John reads the messages left for me on Caringbridge.  So many people are thinking/praying for us.  It's overwhelming!  Their kindness is humbling.  I want to thank them all.  I want to talk to them, smile at them, have a Coke with them!  I want to go home.  I'm so tired.   I don't understand any of this.  When I am lucid it's scary.  How has this happened and when will it stop?  I still fight but I'm not sure why.  It's hard.  John is so patient.
There's a small window that allows me to see outside.  Besides sleep it's my only escape.  I can't see much beyond the roof of the building, but the occasional bird flying by or raindrops rolling down the window pane remind me that nature is out there. I must be patient.
Before I got sick I was an avid walker. My dog, Trudy and I walked every day. Nature was my muse.  The trees, the lake, the wetlands, the owl, the heron, the fox.  They all inspired me. They brought me peace. They gave me fodder for writing and musing.  Solace for my soul.
Sometimes the sun shines through my small view of the outside.  The nurses pull the blind to get the sun out of my eyes.  They shut out my piece of peace.  They don't know. I wish I could tell them.  I like  when the blind is left open at night and I see the rare shining star I can wish on.