Written August 25, 2010  9:00pm

Happy Birthday Anita, Rufus, Toof, Wife, Mom, Daughter, Daughter-in-law, Sister, Sister-in-law, Cousin, Aunt, God-Mother, Fairy God-Mother, Friend, Neighbor, Volunteer, Teacher, Student, Writer, Reader, Piano Player, Walker, Dog-Walker, Friend of Nature, OT, Lover of Life and future ex-patient.
After a long day of exertion, sleeping peacefully.  Thank you for all the birthday cards, banners, photos, wishes and sentiments.

I remember the Happy Birthday banner on the wall.  Big block silver cardboard letters hinged on each other and sprinkled with primary colored confetti. It seems like it hung there forever.  I used to stare at it and make up words out of the letters.  Birth and day were obvious, but what about ha, hap and app.   (Watch out Dr. Seuss!) There was no cake at this birthday.  No party hats.  No Coke.  But there was a lot of love, prayers and well wishes.

John's post brings to mind how many hats we all wear every day.  I have been blessed for the opportunity to try on so many in my life time.  Some fit well and some didn't.  I have had a varied education, career, friends, family and travels.  I've always been fueled by new opportunities.  New ideas. Always willing to try on a new hat.

But I had to hang all my hats at the door when I came into this hospital.  As a "doer" that was hard. I had to pass the baton to those who could talk and make decisions.  The Mom hat was the hardest to let go.  I didn't want my boys to see me like this.  I wanted to hide.  Run away.  I could see the concern on their faces.  I couldn't touch them, talk to them, reassure them.  Like the hats, the feelings had to go into the box. Checked at the door. 

John wears the husband hat well.  He is constantly reassuring me.  I see the love on his face and in the tears that escape from his eyes.  He is a man of action and I know this uncertainty is gnawing at his resolve.  The strain of waiting shows on his face.  I feel it myself.  Patience.  I pray for it.  patience and peace.  And how about a do over for this birthday.