Written September 3, 2010  7:56 pm

The third plasmapherisis procedure was performed this morning, according to plan.  Anita was quite tired thereafter and rested for the remainder of the day, while briefly visiting with family members.  The current plan is to continue with the daily steroid program plus two (2) more plasmapherisis procedures on Sunday and Tuesday.  Further tests will be performed at that point.

"Happiness, not in another place, but this place...not for another hour, but this hour."  Walt Whitman

Mindfulness.  Living in the moment.  I remember learning how to mindfully eat a raisin at an OT continuing education class.  Pay attention to the wrinkly, tough exterior of the fruit rolling over the tongue, slowly softening to a gummy sweetness that sticks to the teeth.  Mindful raisin eating takes time.  There is no shortage of time when lying in a hospital bed  with no ability to move, talk or breathe on my own. Worry worms its way into my thoughts trying to fill up time and space. I know I need to chase it away.  Think good thoughts.  I am keenly aware of the sound of the ventilator, the noises in the hall, the sound of helicopters landing on the roof, the light that moves across the sheets at night when my door is opened. But these are hospital sights and sounds. Not good mindfulness fodder.

So my happiness/mindfulness comes in snippets and brief moments of insight.  A quick peak into the deep blue eyes of my husband.  The eyes that have seen me through many moments.  The touch of his hand on my cheek that anchors me to the present.  The familiar sound of my son's keys jingling from his belt loop as he strolls into my room. It reminds me that there is life outside these walls and for that I am grateful. The clean fresh scent of my favorite hand lotion that the nurses rub onto my skin disguises the hospital smell for just a little while. Sometimes I spy the moon from my window.  I find hope and magic in the moon.  I gaze upon it until sleep steals me away.

The human spirit is amazing. There are instances when I feel an incredible inner peace, full of hope and serenity.  I visualize walking in the woods with my dog, sure footed, over mossy rocks, breathing in the scents of composting wood and leaves, listening to the flowing stream that follows us, and feeling a damp breeze across my face.  I can't wait for that moment.  But I must be mindful of my current blessings.  My family, my friends and my faith to help me through.  Now...for just a little while.