Written September 18, 2010  9:31 pm

Anita had another good day today. She was quite alert and in good spirits throughout the day.  She again sat up in an armchair for a number of hours during the morning.  She visited with family members and friends and watched some television during the course of the afternoon.  She will most probably remain in the ICU thru the weekend, with decisions on next steps, re. ventilator weaning program/rehabilitation forthcoming early next week.

Rehabilitation.  I like the sound of that.  As an OT, I worked in Rehab.  Spinal cord injuries, head injuries, strokes, joint replacements, and other maladies.  My life has witnessed more tragedies than most, but each journey touched me deeply.  I have seen the resilience of the human body. And the human spirit.   I've also witnessed miracles in the medical world.  Folks who defy the odds.Now I am the one needing intervention.  There are admission requirements for Rehab.  I have to show potential for improvement.  I need to tolerate several hours of Rehab each day.

I'm scared.  I am unable to hold my head up.  I can move my right wrist but not much else.  I can't even breathe on my own.  Passing a Rehab evaluation does not look promising.  John encourages me and tells me my "therapy friends" are assisting him in finding a place for me.  The elephant in the room s the ventilator.  No one wants to take me and my pachyderm friend.  Too risky.  A facility could get stuck with me for a long time.  John remains hopeful and optimistic. But the OT in me knows what happens to those who don't qualify for Rehab and are unable to be discharged to home. A Nursing Home.  I try to come to grips with this.  Maybe this would be better for all.  I would be taken care of.  My family could go on with their lives and visit on the weekends. No.  I will hold out for a miracle.  For Rehab.  I will kick this vent to the curb and pray hard.  One breath at a time.  Now...for just a little while.